Wacky Jokes & Pics
Free funny Jokes and funniest Pics for Everyone.


Best Example - Copy & Paste

Submitted by: Damon Wayons

 


 

Short Jokes

First Man (proudly) : "My wife is an Angel."
Second Man: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

--------------------------------------------------

A wife asks her husband:
"What do you like most in me. My pretty face or my sexy body?"

Husband looks at her from head to toe and replies:
"I like your sense of humor."

Submitted by: Dana Carvey

 


 

Bill Gates Went to Bank

Submitted by: Denis Leary

 


 

You're Getting Older When...

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.

You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

Happy hour is a nap.

You keep repeating yourself

You look forward to a dull evening.

You move something to a more logical location and then can only remember where it used to be

You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You realize you've reached your sexpiration date.

You have more hair growing out of your ears than you have on your head.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch

You answer a question with "Because I said so!"

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Submitted by: Tommy Davidson

 


 

Which level are you at?

Submitted by: David Cross

 


 

Husband ( A Computer Teacher) vs. Wife - [Old but Good One]

Hubby: "Hi dear. I'm logged in"

Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Hubby: Bad command or file name

wife: But I told you before you left?
Hubby: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel?

Wife: What about my new Watch?
Hubby: Variable not found

Wife: Ok! give me your credit card. I will do shopping myself
Hubby: Sharing violation. Access denied

Wife: It was a big mistake to marry an idiot like you
Hubby: Data type mismatch

Wife: You are pathetic
Hubby: By default

Wife: What about your salary?
Hubby: File in use. Try Later

Wife: Who was in the car this morning?
Hubby: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to reboot

Wife: What is the relation between you and your receptionist?
Hubby: only user with WRITE permission

Wife: Tell me now. What is my value in this family ?
Hubby: Unknown virus

Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you're just being funny ?
Hubby: Too many parameters !

Wife: I will go to my father's house.
Hubby: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated

Wife: I'll leave you forever
Hubby: Close all programs and logout and then login as another user

Wife: It's useless talking to you
Hubby: Shutdown the computer

Wife: I'm going
Hubby: It's now safe to turn off your computer

Submitted by: Gary Shandling

 




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