Jokes & Pics
Free funny Jokes and funniest Pics for
Best Example - Copy & Paste
Submitted by: Damon Wayons
First Man (proudly) : "My wife is an Angel."
Second Man: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
A wife asks her husband:
"What do you like most in me. My pretty face or my sexy body?"
Husband looks at her from head to toe and replies:
"I like your sense of humor."
Submitted by: Dana Carvey
Bill Gates Went to Bank
Submitted by: Denis Leary
You're Getting Older When...
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Happy hour is a nap.
You keep repeating yourself
You look forward to a dull evening.
You move something to a more logical location and then can only remember where it used to be
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You realize you've reached your sexpiration date.
You have more hair growing out of your ears than you have on your head.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch
You answer a question with "Because I said so!"
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
Submitted by: Tommy Davidson
Which level are you at?
Submitted by: David Cross
Husband ( A Computer Teacher) vs. Wife - [Old but Good One]
Hubby: "Hi dear. I'm logged in"
Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Hubby: Bad command or file name
wife: But I told you before you left?
Hubby: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel?
Wife: What about my new Watch?
Hubby: Variable not found
Wife: Ok! give me your credit card. I will do shopping myself
Hubby: Sharing violation. Access denied
Wife: It was a big mistake to marry an idiot like you
Hubby: Data type mismatch
Wife: You are pathetic
Hubby: By default
Wife: What about your salary?
Hubby: File in use. Try Later
Wife: Who was in the car this morning?
Hubby: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to reboot
Wife: What is the relation between you and your receptionist?
Hubby: only user with WRITE permission
Wife: Tell me now. What is my value in this family ?
Hubby: Unknown virus
Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you're just being funny ?
Hubby: Too many parameters !
Wife: I will go to my father's house.
Hubby: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated
Wife: I'll leave you forever
Hubby: Close all programs and logout and then login as another user
Wife: It's useless talking to you
Hubby: Shutdown the computer
Wife: I'm going
Hubby: It's now safe to turn off your computer
Submitted by: Gary Shandling
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